How The Grinch Did Not Steele The TCPA

Every Who down in Fort Myers

Liked the TCPA a lot ...

But the Grinch,

Who lived north of Fort Myers,

DID NOT!

 

The Grinch hated the TCPA! The whole TCPA law.

Now, please don't ask why and please do not call. 

It could be because its so easy to harass

It could be, perhaps he just wanted a pass.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

Was because he had no "express consent" to call.

 

"They're hanging up their phones," he said with a sneer.

They're saying, "stop calling." What now? Oh dear!

Then he growled, with his Grinch keyboard drumming.

I MUST find some way to to stop the TCPA from coming.

 

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

THE GRINCH 

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

 

All I need is an argument,

The Grinch looked around.

But good ones were scarce, 

there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Grinch...?

No! The Grinch simply said,

"If I can't find a real one, I'll make one instead."

So he called on his dog Spokeo and typed up some dread

And tied it to arguments that long since were dead.

 

But, you know that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,

He thought up some words and he thought them up quick. 

"Concrete damages," a new concept you see,

"This dooms all class actions," cuts them down like a tree. 

"Defacto, that is, it must actually exist"

 "The landscape had changed, all TCPAs must be dismissed."

 

"PoohPooh to the Who's" he was grinchishly typing,

Romero and "de minimis" he was so confidently hyping.

But when Judge Steele read the words, he was not fooled by that stuff

Its called precedent he thought, I'll call the Grinch's bluff

 

And what happened then ....

Well in Floridaville they say 

That the Judge did in facto 

save the TCPA!

 

These damages are real he wrote, not fake like your sleigh

consumers have rights, you cant take them away.

I can't dismiss these cases, I'll give you no such relief

Then the Judge himself carved up the Grinch's brief!